The day started as normal...many work issues to sort out, but in the midst of my business. My in-laws call and we spoke. As advised, i asked to come up on sunday to try sort the matter out. well to cut things short as this blog is not about me but rather my kids....She came tonite..according to her to say a final goodbye to the kids as she is moving to KL. My heart lurched but for the sake of the kids..well of course.
Kierra cried and rushed to her arms and she of course crying as well, it was a harrowing time and it took all my energy to stop my self from breaking down. After about 2 hours of time with the kids both Kierra&iddraqi, we spoke and she said she was going down to KL. a tearful goodbye and she was gone.
I manage to put Kierra to sleep but till now (3am) in the morning,she is having nightmares, every 30 min or so. crying silently in her sleep then calling for Mummy then after i pacify her, she makes me promise that "Walid never go to work" then slowly falling asleep.Same pattern every 3 mins, iddraqi in the mean time,is also having nightmare and crying on occasion,till Tuk is now sleeping in the room.
My heart and mind is in so much pain right now,havent slept and not properly eaten. Many times i catch myself so i dont fall into the self-pity of losing my wife. MY WIFE man...oh god...did she ever know how much i loved her?how i moved and would moved heaven and earth for her?Times i wonder what goes through her mind?where was that lady that i married and gave me 2 beautiful children?kept our house-hold intact and in harmony?where?was i too lax?was i too easy going?i dont know... for now i stop myself from going to me time because i cant afford it. My children need me. To be a dad and a mom... so i focus on them but it breaks my heart too because i cant give them what they need..thier mother...a mother's love.. it breaks my heart really it does..
Cant put up photos today..too tired and too much sadness..maybe tomorror cause i did take some phots of them this evening, in thier water pool..as i look at kierra sleeping and iddraqi sleeping, i pray that god will grant me strgenth and his blessing to endure this,god knows in this life i have endured so much already..though i am curios why she went to KL?she could have stayed and worked her(she already had a job) rent a room and be close to the kids..maybe weekend visits but she is far now and i am lost on how to do this...i let them see her then for days they will be having nightmares cause they miss her..if i dont then they might slowly move on also..arghhhh i really dont know,thank god Mom is here to support me..if not well i dont know what will happen..imagine,one day kierra will go to school and gradute,work and get married... wouldnt she want her mother there?dont a mother want to be there on her first day of school?her marrige day? not a visitng mother but a mother...i dont know really..its sad that to some this is a game..little do they realise the implications of thier actions...is freedom and being hot and popular is so important than your children?your independence and pride supersede the laughter of our kids?
thank gos that as a muslim,Allah guides and provides a place for me to seek solance and peacefullness...i pray that she finds hers soon...before its too late..
till tmr then..
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
And it begins.....
Times that i dont even know how we got to this juncture or why this happen.... to tell the whole story would be too long and embrassing for many people.. well for some actually.. but i still do have to give some backgroud,if not then who would know what we are talking about right? frankly i dont really care if anyone reads or folow this blog, the only reason i am putting this up to record as much as possible the details of the journey of my 2 kids,
Zakierra Iddraqi
Our Story is like any other, I met my wife 6 years ago and we got married within 1 year of courtship, tragedi struck as my brother passed away 1 day after our wedding. We prevailed, although i was going half mad already by that time. Kierra came soon after and things started to get stable but then tragdy stuck again and my youngest brother, which was dignosed with cancer passed away.
Through out it all, i stumbled throught the world of parenthood and strive hard to provide the basics for my famliy, Iddraqi came along and completed the circle of my family. After much planning, me moved to A.Setar Kedah and i landed a job as an event manager in Sungai Petani. The whole family moved there, i can tell you it was so hard in the early days, trying to balance stuff and provide support for the family but with god's help we manage to secure ourselves and a job opening came for my wife, which i gave her my blessing to take. Little did i know that this would change the whole course of our journey and without giving any sordid details, lets just say that arguments and fights broke out because of she wanted her freedom and the crux of it all when last night at 8.15pm despite my pleadings and warning she left the house with 3 bags full, this was of course done in front of the kids. i wonder how could a mother put her pride or ego over the love of the children, esp.when i had said unless she come back to the house and resolve this matter, she wont see the kids BUT sad to say she left anyway in a red car of her friend.
Today,i am bombarded by phone calls and sms by her wanting to see or talk to the kids. I am firm to say that she gave up that right and the family when she CHOSSE to walk out on us. so here we are now.....
As i am writing this, kierra is asleep now and iddraqi is asleep as well. Kierra finally agreed to let me put diapers on her coz she wets herself when she sleeps and wakes up crying due to her covered in her urine..lol a sight to see. Iddraqi is as cheerful as ever partly of the facts that my parents decided to come and lend me thier moral support in these troubled times, when i look at my kids, i feel a big knot coming over me because i dont know what to tell them when they ask where their mother went. Kierra is always asking "Mummy still work walid?" "Why mummy gone?" how do i answer this 3 year old daughter of mine?(she will be 4 soon) sadness engulfs me and i do find solance in God and the love of my children... this blog is my testiment to them..i shall try to update it daily and soon provide a video (youtube FTW) and a picture gallery (go go picassa) and as we three journey through life, we welcome you to join us for the trip...
wasalam.
Through out it all, i stumbled throught the world of parenthood and strive hard to provide the basics for my famliy, Iddraqi came along and completed the circle of my family. After much planning, me moved to A.Setar Kedah and i landed a job as an event manager in Sungai Petani. The whole family moved there, i can tell you it was so hard in the early days, trying to balance stuff and provide support for the family but with god's help we manage to secure ourselves and a job opening came for my wife, which i gave her my blessing to take. Little did i know that this would change the whole course of our journey and without giving any sordid details, lets just say that arguments and fights broke out because of she wanted her freedom and the crux of it all when last night at 8.15pm despite my pleadings and warning she left the house with 3 bags full, this was of course done in front of the kids. i wonder how could a mother put her pride or ego over the love of the children, esp.when i had said unless she come back to the house and resolve this matter, she wont see the kids BUT sad to say she left anyway in a red car of her friend.
Today,i am bombarded by phone calls and sms by her wanting to see or talk to the kids. I am firm to say that she gave up that right and the family when she CHOSSE to walk out on us. so here we are now.....
As i am writing this, kierra is asleep now and iddraqi is asleep as well. Kierra finally agreed to let me put diapers on her coz she wets herself when she sleeps and wakes up crying due to her covered in her urine..lol a sight to see. Iddraqi is as cheerful as ever partly of the facts that my parents decided to come and lend me thier moral support in these troubled times, when i look at my kids, i feel a big knot coming over me because i dont know what to tell them when they ask where their mother went. Kierra is always asking "Mummy still work walid?" "Why mummy gone?" how do i answer this 3 year old daughter of mine?(she will be 4 soon) sadness engulfs me and i do find solance in God and the love of my children... this blog is my testiment to them..i shall try to update it daily and soon provide a video (youtube FTW) and a picture gallery (go go picassa) and as we three journey through life, we welcome you to join us for the trip...
wasalam.
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