The day started as normal...many work issues to sort out, but in the midst of my business. My in-laws call and we spoke. As advised, i asked to come up on sunday to try sort the matter out. well to cut things short as this blog is not about me but rather my kids....She came tonite..according to her to say a final goodbye to the kids as she is moving to KL. My heart lurched but for the sake of the kids..well of course.
Kierra cried and rushed to her arms and she of course crying as well, it was a harrowing time and it took all my energy to stop my self from breaking down. After about 2 hours of time with the kids both Kierra&iddraqi, we spoke and she said she was going down to KL. a tearful goodbye and she was gone.
I manage to put Kierra to sleep but till now (3am) in the morning,she is having nightmares, every 30 min or so. crying silently in her sleep then calling for Mummy then after i pacify her, she makes me promise that "Walid never go to work" then slowly falling asleep.Same pattern every 3 mins, iddraqi in the mean time,is also having nightmare and crying on occasion,till Tuk is now sleeping in the room.
My heart and mind is in so much pain right now,havent slept and not properly eaten. Many times i catch myself so i dont fall into the self-pity of losing my wife. MY WIFE man...oh god...did she ever know how much i loved her?how i moved and would moved heaven and earth for her?Times i wonder what goes through her mind?where was that lady that i married and gave me 2 beautiful children?kept our house-hold intact and in harmony?where?was i too lax?was i too easy going?i dont know... for now i stop myself from going to me time because i cant afford it. My children need me. To be a dad and a mom... so i focus on them but it breaks my heart too because i cant give them what they need..thier mother...a mother's love.. it breaks my heart really it does..
Cant put up photos today..too tired and too much sadness..maybe tomorror cause i did take some phots of them this evening, in thier water pool..as i look at kierra sleeping and iddraqi sleeping, i pray that god will grant me strgenth and his blessing to endure this,god knows in this life i have endured so much already..though i am curios why she went to KL?she could have stayed and worked her(she already had a job) rent a room and be close to the kids..maybe weekend visits but she is far now and i am lost on how to do this...i let them see her then for days they will be having nightmares cause they miss her..if i dont then they might slowly move on also..arghhhh i really dont know,thank god Mom is here to support me..if not well i dont know what will happen..imagine,one day kierra will go to school and gradute,work and get married... wouldnt she want her mother there?dont a mother want to be there on her first day of school?her marrige day? not a visitng mother but a mother...i dont know really..its sad that to some this is a game..little do they realise the implications of thier actions...is freedom and being hot and popular is so important than your children?your independence and pride supersede the laughter of our kids?
thank gos that as a muslim,Allah guides and provides a place for me to seek solance and peacefullness...i pray that she finds hers soon...before its too late..
till tmr then..
